Posts tagged ‘humour’

February 13, 2017

The Fat Man

by JJ Merryweather

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Not last night, but the night before

A big fat man came knocking on my door.

February 12, 2017

The Serial Killer

by JJ Merryweather

the-ripperI still remember my very first victim

He lent me a hammer and died when I hit him.

 

The specialist diagnosed me a ‘psychopath’

Sadly she was later found drowned in the bath.

February 3, 2017

Delays

by Jem Croucher

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Stuck on a train at East Croydon
We’re moving at one mile an hour
Looks like I’m going to be rather late
for my seminar in Euston Tower

January 29, 2017

Weekends

by Jem Croucher

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I’ve come to the conclusion
that weekends are too short
So there’s a simple message there
and lawmakers really ought
to consider very seriously
turning two days into more
As adding just a couple
would be well worth waiting for

January 15, 2017

Meantime here’s some cyclamen…

by Jem Croucher

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I’m afraid I’ll not be posting
for five days from the morrow
No poetry from Jemverse
which I know will bring some sorrow

But although I’m incognito
I’ll be writing every day
More poems for my repertoire
Three cheers! Hip, Hip, Hooray!

December 30, 2016

Finding Rhyme

by Jem Croucher

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Every once in every while
as I write I find a smile
It has a lot to do with style
and sometimes just a little guile
So as I write I find that I’ll
find words which rhyme which I’ll compile
All to combine to my profile

December 29, 2016

Rat for Crow

by OrangeDilip

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This crow is peckish
dark blackish, his beak
is red hot sun
Sometimes orange
warm as sun;
He ain’t eaten a week
He is weak
He is peckish
Lord human offer him
Some spiders, like black
snake egg walking
with eight thin fingers
capped by a small lizard egg
with two spicy curved fingers;

December 21, 2016

Big blue double-decker bus

by Jem Croucher

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Heading into Worthing on
a big blue double-decker bus
My transport for this morning
as there are no trains because
the buggers are on strike again
No Christmas spirit there
No sparkle and no smiles as
Southern Rail just do not care

December 18, 2016

Skidding Past A Woods On A Snowy Evening

by HemmingPlay

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Whose tracks those are I think I know
His auto’s by trees yonder, though;
He cannot see me skidding past
(His windows buried deep in snow.) 

My Subaru must think it queer
To try to stop in any gear
Trapped ‘tween ditch and looming truck
Whee! First ice storm in this crappy year!

Safety brakes cause wheels to shake
Miss the truck? ‘Tis a grim sweepstake
The only other sound the squeals
Of a useless scream and semi’s brakes.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
And I now wish I’d picked the Jeep,
But tears’ll freeze if now I weep,
But tears’ll freeze if now I weep.

*With apologies to Robert Frost

December 8, 2016

The winter bully

by Jem Croucher

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Breath escapes in tiny clouds
a whisper to the chill
as icy iron fingers grab
and hassle me at will
I’m minding my own business
A summer’s child adrift
Lost in this cold wilderness
and feeling somewhat miffed

November 7, 2016

Goosey Gander

by Jem Croucher

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I met a goose this morning
in the early morning chill
waiting by the bench with hope
his tummy for to fill

October 16, 2016

Acrostic Poem: Humour

by Judy E Martin

Poetry challenge: Acrostic poem.


H Holding onto your sides

U Unable to control the feeling

M Making fun of the mundane

September 25, 2016

Painted

by Jem Croucher

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The day began with sunshine
so I popped down to the beach
armed with paints and brushes
and a long pole for to reach
the top bit of the beach hut
as it needs a lick of paint
It took me several hours
but a craftsman I just ain’t

September 6, 2016

Atlantic Surge

by Jem Croucher

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Outside our porthole
down on deck one
the waves surge against us
and it’s brilliant fun
Because sometimes the sky
we can see as we oughta
whilst the very next moment
we’re all underwater!

August 29, 2016

Kitten Catastrophe

by Colly

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She’s a little domineering;

true, she is…

August 25, 2016

Oh, How I Wish I was Graceful

by Judy E Martin

Oh how I wish I was graceful

and not a disaster on wheels

I trip over every obstacle

And my shoes have got broken off heels

August 21, 2016

Dinner Memo

by Colly

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August 19, 2016

Social Networking

by Judy E Martin

I try to use Social Networks

To talk about my blog

But being tech-illiterate

I’d have more luck plaiting fog!

August 17, 2016

A Couple of Limericks

by Judy E Martin

There once was a young lady from Kent

Who lived for a year in a tent

But the scratchy brown grass

Was a pain in the arse

So she is refusing to pay all her rent!

August 16, 2016

Holiday III

by Jem Croucher

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It’s great to sit out in the sunshine
and feel its warmth upon my skin
Especially when, time on my hands
there’s no need to go back in

August 14, 2016

Laughter in our Lives

by Judy E Martin

We all need a good sense of humour

It is essential for us to survive

A good laugh brings us closer together

It is what keeps the magic alive

August 14, 2016

Food for Thought

by Judy E Martin

I have a bit of an addiction

This really is not very good

Not that I’ve given up smoking

I’ve become more attracted to food

August 13, 2016

Directionless

by Judy E Martin

I’ve got no sense of direction

When driving, I haven’t a clue

If it wasn’t for good old Sat Nav

I really don’t know what I’d do!

August 12, 2016

All Aboard – Some Limericks

by Judy E Martin

Whenever I travel by car

I hope that it’s not very far

It gets on my wick

That I always feel sick

It really is very bizarre!

August 11, 2016

Creative Differences

by Judy E Martin

I am jealous of those that are crafty

They make something out of nothing at all

I am hopeless at painting

In fact, I can’t even draw!

So many times I’ve been scuppered

By my lack of artistic prowess

August 10, 2016

It’s Not Very Much Fun Getting Older

by Judy E Martin

It is not very much fun getting older

My waist seems to have disappeared

My face is all wrinkled and crinkled

And I appear to be growing a beard!!!

My hair that was once lush and golden

August 9, 2016

Oh, How I Hate Doing Housework!

by Judy E Martin

Oh, How I hate doing housework

There a huge pile of ironing to do

The carpets all need to be vacuumed

And I still haven’t tackled the loo!

August 9, 2016

Natural Woman?

by Judy E Martin

Tonight he’s feeling lucky

As he chats to the blonde at the bar

She really is a stunner

The best looking girl by far

Her boobs are pert and rounded

Her teeth so pearly white