Posts tagged ‘humour’

March 6, 2018

Small dogs and the cold stuff

by Jem Croucher

On the ground out the back
by the door in the snow
paw prints out there
with some evidence show
that although I’m uncertain
of the white stuff out there
I’ve been brave and I’ve ventured
outside for a dare

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February 20, 2018

Two little pigeons

by Jem Croucher

Two little pigeons
after some food
I’ve got a flat white
don’t mean to be rude
But no little morsels
have I to give you
so away pesky pigeons
‘Be off with you. Shoo!’

read more »

February 19, 2018

A little chap and the cat-flap

by Jem Croucher

It’s really quite an awkward thing
when just a little chap
and I’ve never understood the art
of pushing the cat-flap

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February 12, 2018

Basil’s Story

by Jem Croucher

I’m old and I’m senile
and my hearing has gone
I’ve seen fifteen years
and this is my song

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February 11, 2018

Obi’s Story

by Jem Croucher

There was a leaf and I barked
and a plastic bag
and something that moved
so I gave it a wag

There were birds and squirrels
and cats with strange tails
and foxes and slugs
and bees and yes, snails

read more »

February 9, 2018

Graduation II

by Jem Croucher

We’re on a train to London
all the girls and me
for another graduation
this time for Emily

We’ve goodies in a goody bag
and flat whites – good to go
that, and conversation
which we’ll always have you know

read more »

January 4, 2018

Someone said it’s Thursday

by Jem Croucher

Someone said it’s Thursday
Well that’s just fine by me
‘Cos it means I’ve still got several days
in actuality
And Christmas is notorious
for loosing track of time
I’ve no idea what hour it is
But really, that’s just fine

read more »

December 30, 2017

Goative Greetings

by Jem Croucher

Goat jumped up the fence at me
At Tulley’s Farm today
Bleated out a greeting
Polite, as if to say
‘Good day to you, I’m very pleased
‘You took the time to come
‘And say hello to me today
‘It’s really rather fun’

read more »

November 20, 2017

Squirrel II

by Jem Croucher

I met a little squirrel
in St James’ park today
He stopped and looked straight up at me
I think, as if to say
That if I were to be so kind
A little titbit please
‘For I’m find it quite hard
to find my nuts amongst the leaves’

read more »

October 21, 2017

Stuck in a crowd

by Jem Croucher

Victoria station
this morning and me
Stuck in a crowd and
waiting to see
if the gates to the tube
would anytime soon
open up to the waiting
lest one of us swoon

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July 26, 2017

Trespassers, delay and rhyme

by Jem Croucher

Waiting for a railway train
to take me to my home
I’ll sit and write a poem
on the station on my own
It’s peaceful here, conducive
to find a little rhyme
and scribble down a verse or two
line by line by line

read more »

July 21, 2017

Lilac Lovliness

by Jem Croucher

They grow in abundance
by the railway bridge line
And their fragrance in summer
is completely divine
Their heady perfume
just intoxicates me
So I took this quick picture
for you all to see

read more »

July 13, 2017

The Itch

by Angela Umphers Rueger

or... Why Didn’t I Think of That?

My five-year-old son got a thought in his head
One day as he sat at the foot of my bed.

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June 29, 2017

Produce (aka ‘Allotment V’)

by Jem Croucher

Imagine our amazement
when this evening on Ham Field
we discovered our allotment
had delivered its first yield
Some courgettes and a squash or two
which in the sunshine haven’t lingered
Leading us to think that we
may well be quite green-fingered!

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June 17, 2017

Outside Inside

by lindaluna583

Our inside output
Does not need
Your outside input

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June 13, 2017

The breathless cygnet

by Jem Croucher

Beside the Brayford Pool
in Lincoln’s city fair
Two swans swam toward me
with a cygnet following there

He was moaning as he followed
in his parents’ speedy wake
with a little voice that whimpered
“Slow down for pity’s sake”

read more »

March 9, 2017

Alpaca

by Jem Croucher

This week you’ll find me writing
about an animal each day
And though the choice is massive
Alpacas do deserve a say
And there are three here in particular
that I wanted to include
For as they made a special effort
not to do so would be rude

read more »

February 13, 2017

The Fat Man

by JJ Merryweather

fatman2
.
Not last night, but the night before

A big fat man came knocking on my door.

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February 12, 2017

The Serial Killer

by JJ Merryweather

the-ripperI still remember my very first victim

He lent me a hammer and died when I hit him.

 

The specialist diagnosed me a ‘psychopath’

Sadly she was later found drowned in the bath.

read more »

February 3, 2017

Delays

by Jem Croucher

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Stuck on a train at East Croydon
We’re moving at one mile an hour
Looks like I’m going to be rather late
for my seminar in Euston Tower

read more »

January 29, 2017

Weekends

by Jem Croucher

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I’ve come to the conclusion
that weekends are too short
So there’s a simple message there
and lawmakers really ought
to consider very seriously
turning two days into more
As adding just a couple
would be well worth waiting for

read more »

January 15, 2017

Meantime here’s some cyclamen…

by Jem Croucher

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I’m afraid I’ll not be posting
for five days from the morrow
No poetry from Jemverse
which I know will bring some sorrow

But although I’m incognito
I’ll be writing every day
More poems for my repertoire
Three cheers! Hip, Hip, Hooray!

read more »

December 30, 2016

Finding Rhyme

by Jem Croucher

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Every once in every while
as I write I find a smile
It has a lot to do with style
and sometimes just a little guile
So as I write I find that I’ll
find words which rhyme which I’ll compile
All to combine to my profile

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December 29, 2016

Rat for Crow

by OrangeDilip

rat-for-crow

This crow is peckish
dark blackish, his beak
is red hot sun
Sometimes orange
warm as sun;
He ain’t eaten a week
He is weak
He is peckish
Lord human offer him
Some spiders, like black
snake egg walking
with eight thin fingers
capped by a small lizard egg
with two spicy curved fingers;

read more »

December 21, 2016

Big blue double-decker bus

by Jem Croucher

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Heading into Worthing on
a big blue double-decker bus
My transport for this morning
as there are no trains because
the buggers are on strike again
No Christmas spirit there
No sparkle and no smiles as
Southern Rail just do not care

read more »

December 18, 2016

Skidding Past A Woods On A Snowy Evening

by HemmingPlay

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Whose tracks those are I think I know
His auto’s by trees yonder, though;
He cannot see me skidding past
(His windows buried deep in snow.) 

My Subaru must think it queer
To try to stop in any gear
Trapped ‘tween ditch and looming truck
Whee! First ice storm in this crappy year!

Safety brakes cause wheels to shake
Miss the truck? ‘Tis a grim sweepstake
The only other sound the squeals
Of a useless scream and semi’s brakes.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
And I now wish I’d picked the Jeep,
But tears’ll freeze if now I weep,
But tears’ll freeze if now I weep.

*With apologies to Robert Frost

December 8, 2016

The winter bully

by Jem Croucher

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Breath escapes in tiny clouds
a whisper to the chill
as icy iron fingers grab
and hassle me at will
I’m minding my own business
A summer’s child adrift
Lost in this cold wilderness
and feeling somewhat miffed

read more »

November 7, 2016

Goosey Gander

by Jem Croucher

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I met a goose this morning
in the early morning chill
waiting by the bench with hope
his tummy for to fill

read more »