Posts tagged ‘humour’

September 4, 2018

Bar’s absent castle

by Jem Croucher

3 of 16 in the Jemverse ‘Venetian Vistas’ series

Apparently there’s a castle
in Montenegro’s Bar
“Ten minutes walk” the tour guide said
“It’s really not that far”

But we could find no trace of it
It simply wasn’t there
even though we had a map
and looked ‘most everywhere

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July 20, 2018

Friday afternoons

by Jem Croucher

Friday afternoons are great
‘Cos I don’t have to work too late
I’ll aim to finish at Midday
the weekend starts, Hip Hip Hooray!

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July 14, 2018

Horse in the water

by Jem Croucher

Horse on the beach
with his hooves in the water
Well, why not, I thought
in this weather he oughta
‘Cos if people can paddle
then why not a horse
No reason to think of
and just right of course

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June 22, 2018

Digging Weeds

by Jem Croucher

Digging weeds
is hard and hot
and our allotment
has a lot
But it’s rewarding
when we see
things we’ve planted
growing free

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May 9, 2018

At last the sunshine

by Jem Croucher

And at last the sunshine
deigned to appear
We were starting to wonder
and (dare I say) fear
that winter would stay and
well into summer
which would have been really
a bit of a bummer

read more »

March 6, 2018

Small dogs and the cold stuff

by Jem Croucher

On the ground out the back
by the door in the snow
paw prints out there
with some evidence show
that although I’m uncertain
of the white stuff out there
I’ve been brave and I’ve ventured
outside for a dare

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February 20, 2018

Two little pigeons

by Jem Croucher

Two little pigeons
after some food
I’ve got a flat white
don’t mean to be rude
But no little morsels
have I to give you
so away pesky pigeons
‘Be off with you. Shoo!’

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February 19, 2018

A little chap and the cat-flap

by Jem Croucher

It’s really quite an awkward thing
when just a little chap
and I’ve never understood the art
of pushing the cat-flap

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February 12, 2018

Basil’s Story

by Jem Croucher

I’m old and I’m senile
and my hearing has gone
I’ve seen fifteen years
and this is my song

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February 11, 2018

Obi’s Story

by Jem Croucher

There was a leaf and I barked
and a plastic bag
and something that moved
so I gave it a wag

There were birds and squirrels
and cats with strange tails
and foxes and slugs
and bees and yes, snails

read more »

February 9, 2018

Graduation II

by Jem Croucher

We’re on a train to London
all the girls and me
for another graduation
this time for Emily

We’ve goodies in a goody bag
and flat whites – good to go
that, and conversation
which we’ll always have you know

read more »

January 4, 2018

Someone said it’s Thursday

by Jem Croucher

Someone said it’s Thursday
Well that’s just fine by me
‘Cos it means I’ve still got several days
in actuality
And Christmas is notorious
for loosing track of time
I’ve no idea what hour it is
But really, that’s just fine

read more »

December 30, 2017

Goative Greetings

by Jem Croucher

Goat jumped up the fence at me
At Tulley’s Farm today
Bleated out a greeting
Polite, as if to say
‘Good day to you, I’m very pleased
‘You took the time to come
‘And say hello to me today
‘It’s really rather fun’

read more »

November 20, 2017

Squirrel II

by Jem Croucher

I met a little squirrel
in St James’ park today
He stopped and looked straight up at me
I think, as if to say
That if I were to be so kind
A little titbit please
‘For I’m find it quite hard
to find my nuts amongst the leaves’

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October 21, 2017

Stuck in a crowd

by Jem Croucher

Victoria station
this morning and me
Stuck in a crowd and
waiting to see
if the gates to the tube
would anytime soon
open up to the waiting
lest one of us swoon

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July 26, 2017

Trespassers, delay and rhyme

by Jem Croucher

Waiting for a railway train
to take me to my home
I’ll sit and write a poem
on the station on my own
It’s peaceful here, conducive
to find a little rhyme
and scribble down a verse or two
line by line by line

read more »

July 21, 2017

Lilac Lovliness

by Jem Croucher

They grow in abundance
by the railway bridge line
And their fragrance in summer
is completely divine
Their heady perfume
just intoxicates me
So I took this quick picture
for you all to see

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July 13, 2017

The Itch

by Angela Umphers Rueger

or... Why Didn’t I Think of That?

My five-year-old son got a thought in his head
One day as he sat at the foot of my bed.

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June 29, 2017

Produce (aka ‘Allotment V’)

by Jem Croucher

Imagine our amazement
when this evening on Ham Field
we discovered our allotment
had delivered its first yield
Some courgettes and a squash or two
which in the sunshine haven’t lingered
Leading us to think that we
may well be quite green-fingered!

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June 17, 2017

Outside Inside

by Abigail Gronway

Our inside output
Does not need
Your outside input

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June 13, 2017

The breathless cygnet

by Jem Croucher

Beside the Brayford Pool
in Lincoln’s city fair
Two swans swam toward me
with a cygnet following there

He was moaning as he followed
in his parents’ speedy wake
with a little voice that whimpered
“Slow down for pity’s sake”

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March 9, 2017

Alpaca

by Jem Croucher

This week you’ll find me writing
about an animal each day
And though the choice is massive
Alpacas do deserve a say
And there are three here in particular
that I wanted to include
For as they made a special effort
not to do so would be rude

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February 13, 2017

The Fat Man

by JJ Merryweather

fatman2
.
Not last night, but the night before

A big fat man came knocking on my door.

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February 12, 2017

The Serial Killer

by JJ Merryweather

the-ripperI still remember my very first victim

He lent me a hammer and died when I hit him.

 

The specialist diagnosed me a ‘psychopath’

Sadly she was later found drowned in the bath.

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February 3, 2017

Delays

by Jem Croucher

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Stuck on a train at East Croydon
We’re moving at one mile an hour
Looks like I’m going to be rather late
for my seminar in Euston Tower

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January 29, 2017

Weekends

by Jem Croucher

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I’ve come to the conclusion
that weekends are too short
So there’s a simple message there
and lawmakers really ought
to consider very seriously
turning two days into more
As adding just a couple
would be well worth waiting for

read more »

January 15, 2017

Meantime here’s some cyclamen…

by Jem Croucher

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I’m afraid I’ll not be posting
for five days from the morrow
No poetry from Jemverse
which I know will bring some sorrow

But although I’m incognito
I’ll be writing every day
More poems for my repertoire
Three cheers! Hip, Hip, Hooray!

read more »

December 30, 2016

Finding Rhyme

by Jem Croucher

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Every once in every while
as I write I find a smile
It has a lot to do with style
and sometimes just a little guile
So as I write I find that I’ll
find words which rhyme which I’ll compile
All to combine to my profile

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