Some Limericks About Getting Old…

Howdy! It’s been awhile. Here are some limericks on getting old…

How have I gotten so old?
Most of my days have been told.
My skeleton’s creaky,
My bladder is leaky,
And my toenails are harboring mold.

My pallid and wrinkled complexion
Stares back from the mirror’s reflection.
Where is the kid
Who could barely keep hid
The crimp of a chronic erection?

How did I get here so fast?
I was certain my vigor would last.
Now my day’s greatest bliss
Is success when I piss,
And control of the flow from my ass.

…

For the rest, please click here:

https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B0C4MQCB4G

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A Couple Of “Thanksgiving & Holiday Spread” Limericks 2021

An annual exercise worth repeating,
Where will power takes a beating.
It’s a day dedicated
To bellys fully dilated…
Thanksgiving’s about overeating!

A Couple Of GQP Candidate Limericks

The GOP has become the GQP and it looks like the only change they are interested in is for the worst as demonstrated by who they keep running and electing

A Couple of “Aging” Limericks on My 69th Birthday

Grow old gracefully? You must be dreaming.
My Peter Pan Syndrome is teeming.
If I may be so bold,
Here’s how I’m growing old…
I’m going kicking and screaming!

More Free Kindle Downloads (thru Wednesday)

Greetings! For fun, here are some older efforts. They are short, quick reads.

Free to download (thru Wednesday).

Please feel free to leave a review on Amazon!

Thanksgiving Limericks for a Year That We’re Thankful Is Almost Over

The Thanksgiving feast is always a winner.
There’s nothing like a big turkey dinner.
Bird and sides, then dessert,
We eat ’til we hurt…
And nobody ever leaves thinner.

A Couple America Is Going To Go Postal Limericks

There is no limit to the POTUS’s abuse of power. At what point do all of the Members of Congress fulfill their oath and defend the Constitution which has six voting rights amendments? We need the spirit of John Lewis to fill the Halls of Congress and the hearts of every American that believes in our Democracy and The American Way of Life.

A Pandemic Worst Practice Limerick

There are no problems that “ignore it and maybe it will go away” won’t make worse, especially health problems. I borrowed the gist of that statement from AA, which believes in admission and support as the foundation for solving the problem. Admission and support are exactly what is needed now to solve the pandemic problem. Anything other than that will only exacerbate it.

A “Restricted Bathroom Law Reality Check”Limerick

As anyone who has ever had a baby or an enlarged prostate knows, when you gotta go, you gotta go. And everyone else knows it too. Seriously, who hasn’t prayed that they get to a bathroom in time? I’m guessing God has a special unit of angels just to handle those prayers, they get so many every day.

Sad Wales Scales Tale

@Hemmingplay

Hemmingplay

An “Appointments Point To An ‘Organized’ Administration” Limerick

I am an optimist by nature. I always try to see the good in things and a way to turn problems into opportunities. One of my catch phrases is “No mess is as bad as it looks.” I’m beginning to wonder.

A Borscht Belt Senior Sex Limerick

I find the punchlines for my limericks in a lot of different places. My friends supply most of them. But current events and television provide many opportunities to hear something that just begs to become a limerick. This ditty came from TV.

I was watching JLTV (Jewish Living TV). They were showing a program of “classic” Jewish comedians and I turned it on in the middle of an old Borscht Belt routine being performed by a comic I didn’t recognize. He was doing his shtick with a “Jewish” accent, pronouncing his “s’s” like “sh” and his “w’s” like “v.” He looked familiar, but how could he not? He kind of looked like me and a whole lot of other Jewish guys I know – chiseled ethnic features (big nose and bushy eyebrows) and a chrome dome (bald).

Another Marriage and or Relationship Limerick

Do not think that just because I have been married three times that I know anything about marriage or women. I would never be so bold as to suggest that I do. As they say, “I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid.” And a man claiming that he has expert knowledge of the two aforementioned subjects would be profoundly stupid.

A “Dancing The Night Away” Limerick

When I was in the sixth grade, fifty one years ago, I took dance lessons as part of the right of passage into becoming an awkward teenager. Thirteen is a big time age for Jewish kids. It’s Bar and Bat Mitzvah time and that means lots of parties with dancing, so my mom sent me off to Carlos & Kay to learn how to trip the light fantastic. I am happy to say that I am glad she did. I can still do the same “jitterbug” steps I learned way back then and that are now being recycled as “swing dancing.” I know this because I have taken some swing dancing lessons with a friend and it was nothing more than a refresher course for me.

Should Old Souls be Young Again

T’was late last eve while beset with FoMO,
I ventured forth with my closest mofo;
     we bravely crunked towards Bacchian Hell,
     and now ’tis morning, methinks FML.
“Damneth this vile Devil!”, says I. YOLO.

A “Finally I Have False Teeth” Limerick

I have had a jaw reconstruction. What an ordeal. After 28 months, three surgeries under general anesthetic and a whole lot of wailing on my mouth under a local including installing three implants, I have prosthetic teeth. I am a smile person. I am a friendly cheerful person who likes to smile. I write smile poetry.

Some Simple Self-Help Biz Advice Limericks

I would like to offer some free unsolicited advice worth every cent you paid for it and less.  It does come from experience, for whatever that’s worth. And for the record, my business record is dismal at best. So now I am calling myself a writer. Ironically, with writing being the only thing that I ever wanted to do, I may have more opportunities to make money doing this than I did when I was involved in small businesses. Never give up on your dreams.

A Couple of Thoughts About Marriage, Common Law or Otherwise Limericks

I have been involved in a common law marriage and I have a friend who is now in a common law marriage. A license from the state the parties reside in is not the most important requirement for a marriage, legalities notwithstanding. The first requirement is that the two people want to be married to each other and want the world to know that they are married, piece of paper in hand or not.

An Answer For Everything – a mockery of a marriage

Comic strip poetry

An Answer For Everything – a foolproof cure for snoring

Comic strip poetry

An Answer For Everything 140414

Poetry comic strips

Five Million Steps

The month of March will set into motion
a journey through woods as wide as oceans,
from the Georgian foothills of Nature’s fane
to sky altars in the mountains of Maine,
a pilgrimage with whole devotion.

I shall hike on this Appalachian trail,
following the blazes of white detail,
‘neath the open sky be it blue or grey,
looking forth only to the northern way,
across the wild rivers, ridges, and dales.

A Couple of “Aging” Limericks on My 69th Birthday

Grow old gracefully? You must be dreaming.
My Peter Pan Syndrome is teeming.
If I may be so bold,
Here’s how I’m growing old…
I’m going kicking and screaming!

Football Is Back On TV: Limerick.

Poetry challenge: Limerick.

Posted for jgkravitz

For TV, life without football sucks.
It sells lots of food, beer and trucks.
With lots of competition
And ad repetition…
The networks rake in the big bucks!

Limerick: For the poets.

Poetry challenge: Limerick.

Limerick number 40

 

June moon

(via Pinterest)

Poetry Challenge: Limerick

In the airy month of June

It’s quite nice to read at noon

These hungry young days of mine

Wedding dress: Limerick.

Poetry challenge: Limerick.

Posted for Debb.

There was a man named Darrow
He had totally forgot about tomorrow
So he packed up his things
and even remembered the rings
to match the wedding dress his fiancée would sew

–Debb Stanton

Limerick: poetry challenge.

The Limerick.

The challenge is to write a Limerick which is a five-line poem.

Rhymed AABBA.

It is to be witty or humorous and lewd within reason 🙂

Don’t forget AABBA.