I’m not the same

You don’t seem yourself, he said

And I wondered how long it had been since

I Saw the woman in the mirror I once recognized

Today and the day before and the month before

I wore the face of someone with bright, hopeful eyes

But I am worn down, I am beaten

I am not hoping all that much.

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Transit

You make unscheduled stops and that’s when you fill my mind up

You’re a little like a shoe left beside a train track

Most all of you gone, but just a piece of you that you never sent for and did not pick up

Something unfinished

Like a conversation in French and you can’t keep up

Or having left your coffee cup somewhere

Or your best hat on a moving bus

But you keep asking yourself, “What is it I was to remember?”

Under the locomotive movements of your  breath.

When it was a whole human being (it as me, it was me)

Misplaced and with your recklessness my trust was put to death.

Myth

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I choose
Mercy over madness.
Kindness over pride.
Love over lust.
Me over what is not growing me.

Plantation work

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My heart does its share of plantation work

And as all plantations do, grows only one crop

Although this, neither cotton nor sugar, from its deep seeded dirt.

Humbled by the ghosts (Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn)

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I notice he comes out

When the moon is full

I tell him so, to hollow eyes

He has a smart reply, just like he always did

When I thought I adored him a little bit

And when he was still alive.

Inclement

Maybe I
Should have left it
Knowledge that came rushing down
Like the rain I cursed the sky for
I should have hesitated
And not pulled the thread of one loose button

Good Friday

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Since it’s a holy day

I suppose I should be all sacred

But there are times when one smile drops, and then another

And then a little faith pops its bubble in your face

I feel like praying, but I get too tired to pray.

I thought he was a soulmate

There was something soul-ish in his smile

He pushed me out of my own way

But he was spoken for all the while.

And when I thought I was ready to get serious about this day

The first man

You were the first man

Who loved me

Who held me

The first man who cared if I was okay

The first man who came running when I needed you

My first Santa Claus

My first guidance counselor

My first couch date

The first man to lay down the law

The first man first rate.

End of the affair

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I think he knew without my saying

That I didn’t love him anymore.

He remembered: “When a woman is silent, it’s meaningful.”

I remembered: “You either never did, or you always will.”

How long had this vacancy been so loud between us?

Yawning, like the longest of afternoons

Unable to catch any of the old butterflies.

You will begin healing

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You will begin healing

When you stop running

And allow the feelings, even the good ones.