Archive for ‘Dan’

December 15, 2018

God Damn It, Just Be Gentle, Man

by Rhyme In Time

Based on God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

God damn it, just be gentle, man,
And down my package lay.
I paid for express shipping,
Not for shards in my doorway.

dropped-package

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December 8, 2018

It’s The Most Horrible Time of the Year

by Rhyme In Time

Based on It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

It’s the most horrible time of the year.
With the kids fricking yelling
While everyone’s telling me “Be of good cheer”.
It’s the most terrible time of the year.

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December 1, 2018

Christmas Tree, Damned Christmas Tree

by Rhyme In Time

Based on O Tannenbaum (Oh Christmas Tree).

A Christmas tree, a Christmas tree!
In search of you my day’s spent.
A Christmas tree, a Christmas tree!
Search through the woods so fervent.

ohxmastree

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November 23, 2018

Hark, the Begging Santa Rings

by Rhyme In Time

Based on Hark, the Herald Angels Sing

Hark, in front of Macy’s rings,
Santa-suited ding-a-ling.
Making clangor by a pot,
Begging for what change I’ve got.
Christmas spirit in his eyes,
Beer or vodka, I surmise.
All these Kringles sound the same:
“It’s for charity,” or so he claims.
Thanks to you, my head now rings.

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October 22, 2018

Halloween Skull from Space

by Rhyme In Time

Spinning hapless through the sky like head of Anne Boleyn,
A moon-sized skull whirls towards our planet, shorn off at the chin.
Relic from an Easter Island on a Jovian giant?
Or Titan warrior’s noggin, lopped in ancient fray defiant?
Maybe by the Power of Greyskull we can suss this out,
Before this stony harbinger strikes Earth and gives us rout.

 

by Rhyme In Time

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October 10, 2018

Cereal Killer

by Rhyme In Time

Here’s a Halloween treat in celebration of sugary breakfast cereals…

I knew, of course, this day would come,
When my career would be undone–
Consuming joy now in the past,
No more to feed but only fast.

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October 9, 2018

The Omnipresent CBR

by Rhyme In Time

Each of us is a unique star floating in a universe of others. And none of us are immune to CBR.

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October 5, 2018

Poppa’s Got a Brand New Bird

by Rhyme In Time

Popeye’s tired of Olive Oil;
Her clucking’s gotten old.
Now his bird’s a champagne goil
With pinions dipped in gold.

Popeyes_24_Karat_Champagne_Wings_2

(image from: https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/food/2018/10/04/popeyes-24-karat-gold-battered-champagne-wings/1509124002/)

-Dan (Rhyme In Time)

July 9, 2018

by Rhyme In Time

Inspired by the news about how spiders fly using electric currents (https://phys.org/news/2018-07-spiders-ballooning-electric-fields.html):

How does the tiny spider fly so high?
Wingless like balloon it sails the sky.

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June 26, 2018

Azure Cat of Mars

by Rhyme In Time

Here is another decastich. These are fun and challenging due to their rigid rhyme scheme (aBaBcBcDcD) and alternating 10-beat lines of iambs and trochees.

Inspired by the picture below of a feline-shaped sand dune on Mars:

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June 5, 2018

Methane Dunes of Pluto

by Rhyme In Time

Whose fingerprints gave mark to frozen plains,
These methane dunes so far from glinting sun?

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May 10, 2018

The Font of Edith Morley

by Rhyme In Time

Across the street from where I work is Edith Morley Park. One of the park’s main features is a little rock-garden fountain. To celebrate the anniversary of the park’s dedication (and just because), here is a completely made up account of the fountain’s origins…

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February 10, 2018

Overheard at Tesla Headquarters

by Rhyme In Time

Overheard at Tesla headquarters:

Elon: “Hey, has any body seen my car, man?”
Exec: “I’m pretty sure I saw it leave with Starman.”

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January 4, 2018

My Button’s Bigger

by Rhyme In Time

The doughboy has a button that will send his missile up.
He gleams with pride just like a child who dandles brand new pup.

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January 1, 2018

Nuclear Button on the Table

by Rhyme In Time

Response to: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/world/wp/2017/12/31/north-korea-leader-says-he-has-a-nuclear-button-on-my-desk-and-that-the-deterrent-will-prevent-war-with-united-states/

Fat Boy boasts of warhead button
Ready on his table.
Upon a whim the despot blob
To fire his missile’s able.

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December 10, 2017

Again, the Season To Be Jolly

by Rhyme In Time

Again, the season to be jolly?
Again upon us? How appalling.
I missed Black Friday’s online sales,
And visits to the mall are fails–
For gift certificates I’ll soon be trawling.

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December 8, 2017

Let’s Send In Dennis Rodman

by Rhyme In Time

Decided to post this one now because of this news item:  http://www.newsweek.com/north-korea-us-relations-dennis-rodman-741679

🙂

He’s buddies with the little god-man—
Let’s send back in Dennis Rodman.
It well could be the Magic Worm
Can charm the crazy Chia Perm.
There certainly are notions far more odd, man.

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December 2, 2017

‘What Brown Can Do For You’

by Rhyme In Time

Saw this news item and couldn’t hold it in:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/12/01/surveillance-video-shows-amazon-contractor-defecating-in-gutter.html

It’s shipping season–here’s a Christmas parcel
Delivered straight to you from out my arsehole.

But please relax; no need to make a stew:
Just showing you “What brown can do for you”.

October 27, 2017

Rhymes with ‘Orange’

by Rhyme In Time

Try to rhyme with orange,
A challenge that is fun:
Endeavor in which I engage
While sitting on my buns,

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September 23, 2017

Piss Fight

by Rhyme In Time

“He’s a madman!”
“He’s deranged!”
So Trump and Kim
In piss fight strange.

They each need timeout in the corner,
Each of these unruly scorners.
Where’s the kindergarten teacher?
Asleep somewhere beneath the bleachers?

Do they think it’s arithmetic,
To seek out who’s the bigger dick?

 

September 22, 2017

Cold War 2.0

by Rhyme In Time

The Rocket Man and Barking Cur
Hold keys to weapons nuclear.

Cold War 2.0 brinksmanship
By children who can’t get a grip.

Blustering before UN
Is surely not the way to win.

Let’s throw them in a wrestling pen
And let them roll in their own din.

A pair of brats who vie to pin
Beats conflagration hydrogen.

September 21, 2017

Abolish Equifax

by Rhyme In Time

Security lax,
So we take it in the slacks?
Thank you, Equifax.

Arbiter of trust?
You’ve no credit left with us–
You should be trussed.

More astonishing,
You opened us to phishing?
I’m for abolishing… Equifax.

September 19, 2017

The Colorado Pooper

by Rhyme In Time

Out for healthful daytime jog,
Disinclined to hit the bog.
Here’s a spot–I’ll drop a log!

Inspired by this running headline:

http://www.kktv.com/content/news/Mad-Pooper-wanted-by-Springs-Police-444969443.html

September 16, 2017

Morning Coffee Incantation

by Rhyme In Time

cup-1956704_960_720
Slope-sprung gift on hill-side planted,
Nature’s gift we take for granted.
Perform me now the spell, then quaff
The magic potion from carafe:

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August 21, 2017

Enough of This Sh(ee)t

by Rhyme In Time

Some thoughts on the recent events in Charlottesville …

We’ve come so far, so how can this occur?
How is it simple pigment judgment blurs?
How can we still believe humanity
By outward cast divided we should be?

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August 18, 2017

Child with a Military ;-)

by Rhyme In Time

Things are getting pretty scary!
Child with a military,
He’s the world’s adversary
But should be in solitary.

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July 28, 2017

The Silent Parade

by Rhyme In Time

Upon this day in 1917
Silence spoke injustices obscene.
For arbitrary pigment of the skin
Was used to justify the gravest sins,
And artificial lines divided men
Who otherwise could easily be friends.

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May 30, 2017

Memorial Day Rhyme

by Rhyme In Time

For celebrators of the holiday in the U.S., and for those who serve or are close to those who serve anywhere: 

Today is more than just a holiday,
A Monday off to open summer season–
To honor those who’ve fallen is the reason,
Who gave the greatest gift beyond repay.

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