An Insane Conspiracy Theory That Makes MAGA Psychobabble Seem Normal

by Joel Kravitz

DISCLAIMER – When I started writing this, I was writing a biting satire…until it became clear to me that this conspiracy theory went from plausible, to possible and then to probable, but like any other conspiracy theory, unprovable (I hope).

Donald Trump is a very sick evil man
So, if you think this couldn’t happen, you best believe that it can.
Yes, it’s something from out of the Twilight Zone,
But with the self-serving disdain for America he’s shown,
You know that these things could really occur –
And it exposes Trump as a traitor and saboteur.

Trump’s a traitor sabotaging Democracy,
And he isn’t trying to hide it, as the world can see.
He’s bolstered by his cult supporters who want to see him succeed.
He’s duped them into believing he’s what they want and need.
Which is racism, Xenophobia, and a white Christian nation.
They’re in love with his lies and hate-filled aberration.

But what they are blind to while they embrace all his lying
Is he may have found a way to profit from their dying.
How’s that for a conspiracy theory?
Pretty wild and insane but believable and eerie?
Though the evidence might be called circumstantial
It’s frighteningly plausible and more than substantial.

Trump’s failed at almost everything though he claims to be a success
The only thing he is truly successful at is lying in excess.
Trump cheats at everything – his marriages, golf and his taxes
When he is looking to get over, The Liar-In-Chief never relaxes.
He’s been able to scam and steal from everything he’s ever done.
And he arrogantly thinks he can do it to anyone.

So he went to Russia looking for loans
Overstating the value of everything that he owns.
And they gave him the money; they didn’t care.
The Russians have an answer for “buyer beware.”
Screwing with Russians is a dangerous proposition.
How’s that worked out for Vlad’s opposition?

Putin had a plan to guarantee he’d get paid back
And, he could use Trump for a destructive attack
To weaken America through division and hate.
Trump only cares about Trump; he gobbled up the bait.
He knew politics and government opened the vault
He could grift and steal with a full force assault.

In August, the Senate Intelligence Committee concluded
That Russian and Trump operatives colluded
And conspired to impact the outcome of the 2016 election.
Trump was the object of Putin’s affection.
But more likely Putin was just hedging his bet
So Trump could repay his mega-million dollar debt.

To Trump the Presidency was a license to steal,
A grifters dream come true he never tried to conceal.
Trump figured he could steal so much so fast
He could payoff the enormous debt he amassed.
And since his biggest creditor is Russia, with whom he conspired,
He never bothered to do the due diligence required.

Trump never considered just how big was the vig.
He saw America as his gold mine; all he had to do was dig.
But be assured the Russians are keeping score,
And there’s no escaping from them through bankruptcy’s back door.
They don’t want his misrepresented real estate
They want their money, they don’t want to arrogate.

Trump is known for not paying his bills.
Vlad is known for mysterious kills
Where his enemies suddenly expire.
When you piss off Putin, the consequences are dire.
It’s why Putin is Trump’s favorite dictator.
He knows Putin can turn a golf course into a crater.

Trump knows full well that Putin don’t play
And for the first time that he’d have to pay.
Here is where this conspiracy theory begins –
With an evil self-serving President who is proud of his sins,
Who would sell out the country and break the oath that he swore
To steal enough to keep the wolves from his door

He started out trying to profit from unproven meds
While rejecting the science of how Covid spreads.
He scoffed at the notion of wearing a mask
Restoring the stock market was his self-serving task.
The only distancing that Trump was able to see
Was distancing himself from reality.

For him, the disease was something from which he hoped to gain wealth.
He could care less about Americans’ health.
When Trump’s wonder drugs were medically rejected
And Americans were exponentially getting infected,
And profiting from drug stocks was out of his reach,
Trump told the country to start drinking bleach.

Then the story about Russian bounties in Afghanistan breaks.
Trump starts to think this could be what it takes.
Once he saw he might benefit from Americans dying,
Trump figured treason was something worth trying.
Since there’s nothing beneath this despicable rat,
Trump called Putin and asked, “Can I get some of that?”

Seeing dollar signs with every sneeze and cough,
Trump wanted to make the pandemic pay off.
And he was more than willing to cause harm to the nation –
He proposed a deal for debt credit for each Covid expiration.
Putin loved the way that Trump was thinking
And was downright giddy at how low he was sinking.

Vlad gave it a think and thought this is just why I picked him.
They agreed to a grand on each Covid victim.
Then Trump started campaigning and stepped up the lies,
He weakened the task force, and to everyone’s surprise,
He added that quack Atlas to insure more ruination
And, at the same time attacked Faucci’s reputation.

He embraced conspiracy theories that the disease was a hoax
And stepped up his efforts trying to coax
His cult followers to go out and give the economy a boost.
He was thrilled at the increase in infections produced,
And went to bed every night happily knowing
He was “making money” from the morgues overflowing.

Three hundred thousand dead at a thousand bucks each.
Paying off Putin is almost in reach,
But he still owes at least a hundred mill more –
To him, a hundred thousand or so killed in a domestic street war.
Trump’s terrorist cult is standing by, waiting on Trump’s okay.
And the world knows all too well it’s only a tweet away.


8 Responses to “An Insane Conspiracy Theory That Makes MAGA Psychobabble Seem Normal”

  1. Ha…try breaking the pill in half next time.

  2. Sounds like a rap song. The cadence is there. You should see if you can find an interested rapper. When you are rich you can take me to dinner to thank me. JK. Good luck.


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