God Damn It, Just Be Gentle, Man

by Rhyme In Time

Based on God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

God damn it, just be gentle, man,
And down my package lay.
I paid for express shipping,
Not for shards in my doorway.


I could have waited one more hour,
Stood that slight delay,
If only you had been more gentle
Skidding on your way.
Oh, promises of comfort and joy
Did you destroy.
Expensive gift did you destroy.

Now it’s broken, what the hell,
You’ve ruined Christmas morn.
And now I see a stranger
Near the package that I mourn.
I’m starting to feel merry
Instead of feeling torn;
A porch pirate’s come to annoy,
To steal my joy–
Let shards instead his hands destroy.

This is from my latest insult to the written language: Corrupt Carols

Free if you have Kindle Unlimited. Cheap otherwise (99 cents).


3 Comments to “God Damn It, Just Be Gentle, Man”

  1. And it inadvertently fixed my lousy spelling (:

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