I can remember: minute poem.

by Harry

Poetry challenge: Minute poem.

~~~~~~

I can remember the days when

we could safely

play  happily

outside the  house

~~~~~~

boys and girls all play together

marbles, skipping

bulldog, rounder’s

until its dark

~~~~~~

to-day its a thing of the past

stuck in the house

playing machines

no imagination.

9 Responses to “I can remember: minute poem.”

  1. Well, they were out in our street today. I had to fetch the ball for the little monkeys. So, I appreciate the sentiment of the first two stanzas, enjoyed the pictures, but I but feel your conclusion is rather curmudgeonly, and oft-repeated…I’d draft away from this negativity towards something with more wit, or wisdom.

  2. Sorry Harry, that’s great. Long term – and thinking about it all a little bit more – I’d draft your first two, similar to as they are at the moment, and then you could have part three – the curmudgeonly bit: a moan about kids, racist maybe if we like, and a right misery guts, and then a final stanza with the old fella being lonely sat by his two bar fire, and the kids never come ’round to visit, which is what it’s really about – you could turn the poem on its head, paradoxically (I think) get the audience behind the narrator. Just for poignancy that might bring a tear to the eye? Also, you have to imagine yourself in the town hall – so practice narrating – to the old ladies on poetry night. If your rhythms are right, then you’ve probably cracked it with the poem.

    Regardless, I think it’s very impressive as it is – but you know…when you write, sometimes it starts off as ‘you’ and gradually the central figure becomes a character, all that.

    See you., thanks very much for replying. I’m such a blabbermouth when she’s watching the lottery, Saturday night hmmm.

  3. Thanks for your comments, Sat night tv boring i’m waiting for the football 🙂

  4. So true – enjoyed; just to mention, is not tv a “machine?”

  5. I can remember all of those things as well. I begged my parents for cable, for an Atari, anything new and cool at the time. They always said “no”. Hence, we all played outside safely in our neighborhoods. It just isn’t like that anymore which is a great loss of the innocence of childhood.

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