I Want To Know Why

by Emily Page

I want to know why I wasn’t brave or strong or true,
Why all I’ve ever done is love only you?
I want to know why I’ve been so selfish and so weak,
Why, when it mattered most, I could never bring myself to speak?

I want to know why I walked away from the love I needed best,
Why you could always be trusted to respond to each request?
I want to know why I promised to honour Him and forsake You,
Why You later had to go and do the same thing with Her too?

I want to know why it seems I cannot let you go,
Why neither one of us will ever answer with a ‘No’?
I want to know why the times we share have dwindled to so few,
Why I feel so sure, so certain that you feel the same way too?

I want to know why we hurt each other, oh so many times,
Why every time I see your face my heart wakes up and chimes?
I want to know why I think of you each morning when I wake,
Why the sweetest dreams of you my love, my heart still break?

I want to know why my thoughts of you still make me feel this way,
Why you’re who I’m thinking of at the end of every day?
I want to know why I thought we shouldn’t be together then,
Why I didn’t say ‘I love you’ one last time by word or pen?

I want to know why I always sense your presence in a room,
Or why like the strongest magnets we’re still drawn together – boom!
I want to know why when all I’d ever wanted was the chance,
Why you grabbed me then so urgently and took me off to dance?

I want to know why you look at me as if you search my very soul,
Why with one light touch from you I’m helpless as a newborn foal?
I want to know why you needed me, why your kisses held me fast,
Why we felt so right together if we were not going to last?

I want to know why you felt that night that to leave me wasn’t right,
Why another time you couldn’t trust yourself to sleep beside me just one night?
I want to know why we can’t say what it is we want to say,
Why now we’ve made our choices it can never be for us that way?

I want to know why it’s wrong to feel this way – it feels so right!
Why I cannot tell you that you make my heart and soul take flight?
I want to know why our friendship, over the years that we have built,
Why now whenever I speak of it I have this sense of guilt?

I want to know why I ache to spend more time with you alone,
Why we never feel it’s right just to call each other on the phone?
I want to know if in this life we’ll ever get a chance to be,
Why I’ll never give up yearning for us – for you and for me?

But I do know that I’ve loved you,
That my heart was ever true.
Yes, don’t ever doubt I’ve loved you
That I’ve longed to hear you love me too.

© Emily Page


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