The Voice

by LizzieCracked
bipolar butterfly

© LizzieC2013

One day I had a visitor
I don’t know from where it came
A voice to keep me company
In my loneliness and pain

I thought it nice to have a friend
Who seemed to be with me most of the time
I learned too soon it’s reasons
For taking residence in the corners of my mind

It began to tell me how easy it was
To give up and just let go
Put ideas inside my troubled mind
And the thoughts began to grow

At first like a summer garden
The flowers were bright and sweet
But the underlying carpet of weeds dug in
I sensed impending defeat

For the garden was an illusion
To lure me while sad and sick
To want to be in it’s beauty
It was a dark and devious trick

Even knowing the flowers weren’t true
I could not stop the thought
That to get to the garden and feel no pain
Free my soul from my body I ought

I argued with the voice asked it to leave
It laughed because I had invited it in
I was confused at the thought I asked for it
To cause such conflict and win

When I thought it left me alone in peace
And embraced the coming days
It would seep back in to haunt me
In such unexpected ways

In the depths of my darkest despair I cried
Why won’t you leave me alone
Because, it said I’m here for you
You are one of the chosen ones

Like many before whom I convinced
I will someday take you too
You might as well not fight it
And do what you know you will eventually do

You have no reason to be here it said
I argued I have much still to say
No one cares about your words
You might as well throw them away

You bitch! I yelled( for I thought it a she)
Why are you constantly putting down my life
Who are you to tell me I’m Nothing?
Cause discontent and strife

You have no love to hold you, it said
No one to care of your presence
I care! I said,  and I need no love
Although inside I knew it made sense

For even with that I could not argue
My physical form is  a waste
Without a love to take pleasure in it
My body just takes up space

You mind is ruined and twisted it said
Now that, I cried, isn’t true!
I have much to share with the world
What would you have me do?

Quiet the thoughts that I make into art?
Forget the colors I see?
How can you say these things are nothing?
That then that makes nothing of me?

Now you are getting it, the voice said so soft
I barely heard the thought
But I didn’t say it you did
How can you twist it like that?

You did, it said, and now you see
Why one day I will win
You will want the garden of flowers
You long to be free again

Free again?  I asked confused
What does that mean?
Free of this earth and the body you’re in
The freedom of between

Between this life and the one beyond
There is beauty beyond compare
It’s there for your taking
But only if you dare

To come with me while you are still young
You must be able to run
We can frolic in the flowers
Soak up the warmth of the sun

It calmed me and lured me this thought
And I so wanted to go this day
But when I asked how do I get there
It was silent and wouldn’t show me the way

That is up to you the voice whispered
But I’ll be waiting on the other side
You convince me to come then you leave me alone?
And I faintly heard the breathless words…that’s the way of suicide

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