Where Was I?

by Bodhirose

 

Rose et amour....rosa y amor ....rose d'amour ...

(Photo credit: photosylvia / silabox…occupée)

Where was I for all of those years
When all I could focus on were all of my fears?
I couldn’t make contact, I couldn’t embrace,
I couldn’t look at anyone, square in the face.
I stuttered and stammered with shyness so tense,
I couldn’t show up with any sense of intent.
I couldn’t express my thinking–
Did I even have thoughts?
I was stuck in a place behind a self-made prison wall.

Self-consciousness consumed me.
Self-esteem was so lacking,
That my entire back bone had no backing.
I was a highly sensitive child, a shrinking violet inside.
Sensations were uncomfortable. I could feel what people thought.
Don’t glance my way!  Don’t ask me to speak!
As my face would grow pink with a flush of great heat.
But the malady has eased since I was a youngster–
My blossoming took many years,
But now this gentle-petaled Rose has brushed aside her fears.

7 Comments to “Where Was I?”

  1. Gayle that poem is beautiful and i’m sure there are many children who feel the same way.

  2. A rare depiction of shyness in poetry… Wonderfully put …

  3. I like this Gayle and it’s tone. I refer to tone because although you felt the way you did the poem reflects a compassion for yourself rather than one of berating yourself.

    I can relate to it very much and it is only really in recent years that I have become able to show compassion for myself knowing that who Iam is good enough. I think this flower (me) has now “brushed aside her fears” too 🙂

    This is a beautiful poem, so soft and. Airing 🙂
    love xx

  4. When I was a child I felt very alone and did make judgments about myself…why couldn’t I be like other people. But I grew to understand that this is me…I’m a sensitive person and in some respects, it has been a gift. I’m much more accepting these days but my insecurities can still rear up now and then. Thank you, Christine, I’m glad you liked this…and I’m glad that you’ve brushed aside your fears too…no use in fighting who we are. 🙂

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